When you’re single and Christian it feels like you have to play the dating game by a different set of rules.
What works in the world doesn’t work for you because you have a higher standard to live by. You recognize that you purpose in life is greater and so you need different dating strategies that help you live into your integrity in your God-given identity.
Back To The Basics
Whether you’re getting out there and looking for love for the first time, or you’re back and trying again, there are some basics that
This is hands down the most important thing you must remember in every relationship. You must take 100% responsibility and ownership for who you are, how you show up and what you contribute to your relationships.
It’s easy to start seeing people and slowly begin compromising. Instead of staying true to yourself, you begin to puff up or shrink so that someone will like you.
What do I mean by puff up or shrink?
Puffing up is that thing we do when we are trying to impress someone. It’s fine to put on your best outfit and want to make a good impression. But there’s a thin line that you’ve got to be careful not to cross.
This is an essential took I use every day and I learned it from Brene Brown
When you start to act like someone else. Or, when you pretend to be someone you’re not, you’re puffing up. You’re being fake.
And we have all had those moments where we’ve realized that we’re not being true to ourselves, our God and our beliefs. I know I’ve been there and done that, and it leaves you with this yucky hangover feeling.
When you shrink back, that means you play small. You try to fly under the radar. Instead of appreciating appropriate attention, you shy away and make yourself irrelevant and invisible.
This sabotages your attempt to form a new relationship because it sends the signal that you’re not worth someone else’s time and attention. Nobody has the extra time and energy to try and bust through your security defenses and sweep you off your feet.
The crucial thing is also the hardest. Stand your sacred ground. Be your best self. Let people notice and love you for who you are. And take 100% ownership of who you have become.
Don’t Get Desperate
Don’t get desperate in the search for love.
It’s easy to feel like it’s taking too long. Something should have happened by now. You start asking, what’s wrong with me?
It’s good to evaluate yourself from time to time and ask, what do I need to learn in order to grow. But it’s a bad idea to start attacking yourself as a person.
There’s nothing wrong with you.
You’re single and Christian. You’re a Child of God. A Princess in the Kingdom of Heaven. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Designed by a Perfect God.
You’re not like everyone else!
And that’s a GOOD THING
If you’re making poor choices, or you don’t have the skills to get what you want, you can do something about that. Here are some common mistakes that single Christian women make, learn them and correct course.
But the mistakes you make are not who you are.
WHAT YOU DO IS NOT WHO YOU ARE.
When you are confident in who you are, you become irresistibly attractive.
On the other hand, if you don’t know who you are, and what you want it’s easy to become desperate and start compromising and settling.
You Decide How You Feel
We’ve been taught that other people make you feel things.
- Brittney hurt my feelings.
- He made me so angry.
- My mother makes me feel bad.
But the truth is that you decide how you’re going to feel. Other people don’t make you do anything. Your feelings are a choice. YOUR CHOICE!
It’s too easy to blame our emotions on other people. But if you’re really interested in being in a healthy thriving relationship, it’s time to take responsibility for your own emotions.
This is hard and it takes a lot of practice, but it can and should be done.
When you learn how to do this, you give yourself so much more freedom. You are no longer held captive by other peoples actions. And you’re far less likely to become a victim of a hostile relationship.
If you’ve been through a series of abusive relationships and you keep attracting the same type of men, this is a crucial concept that you must master before entering into another relationship.
When You’re Single and Christian, You’ve Got To Go Thrive!
I don’t want you to survive your relationships, I want you to thrive in them. Enjoying everything that a relationship can and should be.
Healthy relationships energize us and fuel us to fulfill our purposes, live out our dreams and be our best selves.
They require conscious effort and intention to create and maintain. But the investment is well worth it. Especially when it comes to dating towards marriage.
It also helps to have a community of women supporting you!
Join my private Facebook group to get more advice and encouragement.
Having a healthy thriving marriage is one of the greatest testimonies a single and Christian woman can have in an unbelieving world. The love you create between yourself, your husband and your children
Families are the building blocks of society, and when we get
So as you go out into the world, to find the love of your life, I want to encourage you.
Stay strong in who you are.
You’ve got this!