Tired of Getting Hurt In The Vicious Cycle Of Dating?
What if you could find the right man, eliminate losers, and step into a healthy relationship that was positioned to result in a Christ-centered marriage.
Hi, I’m Lily Mtongwiza.
Years ago, I never managed I would find nice guys to date. In fact, I had a string of painful, toxic relationships that wounded my heart and soul. I looked for love in all the wrong places, letting my desires rule my decisions. I would spend the weekend with losers who only wanted one thing. And later, I would beat myself up for being so easy. This went on for years.
And it wasn’t just me. It was everyone I was around. We were all caught up in the same routine of dating, dancing, hooking up and breaking down. How many of us have felt the same pain, when you wake up on Sunday morning and know you’re destroying the temple of God. The guys are different, but the story is the same. You’ve been used.
And if there’s one thing worse than getting being easy, it’s being used.
I never wanted to be used again. And I definitely never wanted to feel so shameful.
- Going to a bar and finding the worst possible guy to go home with
- Waking up with a hangover in a strangers bedroom and not being able to remember his name.
- Worrying about missed periods because you definitely don’t want your last date to be your baby daddy – or worse, you don’t even know who the father is.
- Having no shoulder to cry on, because you brought it on yourself. (This is what happens when you’ve developed a reputation.)
UGH, I’ve been there. MOST of us have.
The worst part is, we let these experiences label us and we end up believing that this is the story of WHO we are. Literally, we’ll say “I’m just not interested in marriage, I’m not ready to settle down, I could never be with just one guy or I’m waiting on God’s time!
And the more we get into those situations the more we reinforce this belief, leading to more and more one night stands.
And you wish you could just STOP! Why can’t you just find a decent guy?
You KNOW you deserve better.
But what can you do?
There’s a ton of advice out there from preachers, books, and counselors telling you all about purity. “101 things you can do instead of having sex”, “True love waits!” and “Close your legs!” The list goes on and on.
The #1 piece of advice in all their material is: “Just say No!”
That’s like telling fat people “just put down the spoon!” Yeah, true, but HOW? What about all the details? What do you say? What do you do? And what if you self-sabotage?
You can listen to a lot of sermons and biblical messages that cut you to the core and convict you! You know you need to change, and you might even straighten up for a while. You dress a little more modestly. You stop batting your eyes. But then, it doesn’t go so well, or you have a few slip-ups along the way.
A week, 3 months, 6 months, a year down the road, you’re back to the same old slutty, shameful, self-loathing square one. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
After really sitting down with myself, studying my own behavior, testing many different approaches and leaning into the word of God, I discovered a few core issues that were holding me captive.
I figured out how to talk to men, and get them to treat me with the respect while dealing with my own desires.
Slowly and painfully, I crawled out of that pit of self-destruction – and even got married.
TO AN AMAZING MAN!
I still can’t believe it sometimes, because now everyone knows me as the pastor’s wife; a brilliant woman who is a champion for excellence and integrity.
But I can still remember those days when I couldn’t find my pants. When I was living in sin and shame.
It didn’t matter how smart or funny I was because most people only saw one thing. I never knew how to let my best qualities shine through.
Because this is The Truth No Body Tells You!
It doesn’t matter how smart or accomplished or nice you are – if your first impression with men bombs. And if you can’t get connected with men in a way that signals your true value, you’re forgettable.
In other words, nobody can see your true value. But they can see the way you present yourself. That’s why your ability to interact with men in a way that garners respect and the right kind of attention is more critical than wearing the right outfit could ever be.
Now, you and I both know that this isn’t fair.
There are plenty of feminists who would have my head for suggesting that women take responsibility for the way men treat them.
But, like it or not, men are visual creatures who respond biologically, emotionally, and physically to the cues you give in the first few moments of any interaction. They’re making split-second decisions about you: are you likeable, mateable, doable, trustworthy – or not.
You can argue and fight it all you want. You can pretend it’s not true, or it doesn’t apply to you. Or you can acknowledge that this is the way men are, and learn how to deal with them.
This isn’t just about dating. Knowing how to present yourself and what signals you’re sending opens many more doors of opportunity; romantically, professionally and generally.
Let’s be honest;
Being promiscuous is a label we give ourselves.
But it’s just a label.
And Thank God, God is in the business of removing labels.
Because being promiscuous is simply a result of not having enough skills and practice to know how to get the results you truly desire.
A lot of this comes down to social skills. And if you don’t have them, you’re going to default to what you know works, even if it doesn’t work the way you want it to.
You can talk to men in a way that lets them know immediately whether you’re interested or not, and the level of respect they must give you.
I know, because I’ve done it.
The Key You’re Missing
Think about how much time you’ve spent taking multiple selfies, picking out the right outfit, killing your feet in high heeled shoes and never getting any closer to finding a man who is marriage material.
We focus so much on improving our physical appearance in order to attract the right man, but we almost never take the time to work on our relationship skills.
What you say. How you say it, the first impression you create both in person and online, how to show interest and when to flirt.
It can be hard to admit, but this stuff matters. Body language speaks volumes and if you’re always getting uninvited advances, it’s most likely because you’re giving off signals you might not even be aware of.
So, even though you might be the most devoted and wonderful future wife in the world, if you’re not communicating that to the men you’re interested in, good luck getting an engagement ring.
Developing relationship skills isn’t just so you can flirt more effectively. It’s about revealing who you truly are and creating moments of intense interest and desire, not for your body, but for your being.
These skills will allow you to cut through all the fluff and hype of crushes and endless dating, and get to the core of two people having a profound and meaningful relationship.
A relationship that matters and is going somewhere, that could lead to a proposal, marriage and family.
One that honors God and is a testimony to love and commitment.
But that kind of love doesn’t happen by accident.
I know it’s a popular notion that your fairy godmother is going to transform you into a princess and your prince will come and whisk you away to live happily ever after, but we’ve got to grow up!
This is no fairy tale, and every year we’re getting older, more cynical and depressed. We’re wasting time and money on all the wrong things and missing out on one of the very best parts of life- our relationships.
Marriage is beautiful – but it’s hard won.
Building up a relationship to that level and beyond takes effort. I know some people make it look easy. Maybe they grew up with amazing parents who adored one another and they learned these things like one learns their mother’s language.
But my parents were divorced and by the time I was 12, so were everyone else’s parents.
I realized I had some relearning to do. And I put in the time to do it.
And learning those skills gave me incredible power.
Finally, I was likeable – for the right reasons.
I gained a new level of confidence. I could communicate with authority and be recognized for my intelligence and skills.
Most importantly, I learned; How to make the man I wanted smile! – For the right reasons.
Because I had discovered the art of creating a meaningful relationship. I learned how to leave an impression that made him want to call me back so we could keep discussing ideas. Not what I was wearing.
Think about how empowering that is.
Just imagine what these skills could do for your life. If instead of attracting weirdos you began to attract gentlemen.
What would it mean to you to be able to know that when a man asks for your number it’s because he’s intrigued by your mind and not just your butt.
How would you feel if the man you were interested in began to dramatically improve himself before your eyes because he saw the potential in you and wanted to match it.
Now imagine you’ve attracted the right one and he is asking you to marry him. No more dating sites, not more one night stands, no more guilt and heartache.
Of course, marriage is no walk in the park and every couple has their shares of ups and downs. But when you bring your relationship into the covenant of marriage you’ve got God on your side, and when God gets involved He will help you through every dark patch.
Now imagine what your life could be like in 5, 25 and 50 years.
Do you want to keep waste time plodding through the wasteland of endless dating?
OR – do you want to figure this out and get yourself into an amazing relationship and happy marriage?
How much more joy would you get out of life as someones beloved wife, rather than someone’s last hook up?
What difference would it make to be cherished instead of tarnished?
How would these relationship skills impact and make a difference in every area of your life?
Of course, the choice is yours. I’m here if you choose to be the person who is ready to take herself and her future seriously.
The Art And Craft
Of Starting A Relationship
With A Man Worth Marrying
We all have challenges making a good first impression.
We smile too much, or not enough. We flirt without meaning to, we joke about the wrong things, we turn the wrong guys on and the right men off. We ramble, we’re shy, we overcompensate, we show too much cleavage, we hide under baggy hoodies or extra long eyelashes and we say…
“That’s just the way I am.”
If you’ve ever seen a man you’re really interested in and shied away, and went for jerk instead…
If you’ve ever said to your self “I’m tired of this BS”
If you’ve ever thought about what you did the night before and cringed…
If you feel like people see you as…
- A people pleaser
- A Tease
- A slut
- A Tramp
- A flirt
- A hot mess
- or just too easy
Then it’s time to make a change!
You can change the way men see you and more importantly, you can change the way you see yourself.
I’ve learned these skills for myself, I share them with the women I mentor and I can teach them to you!
Maybe you’ve read some articles about this before. Or you’ve watched a pastor preach on this, or you’ve bought a book.
Maybe you’ve talked to a friend or your mom and tried to get some advice.
Maybe you’ve even gone to a counselor because you’re worried you have a sex addiction.
And yet – here you are- still not living your life the way you really want to.
Still in search of a solution.
Here It Is!
This is the course that is going to get you the results you’ve been searching for.
I’m so confident that this works, that I giving you a 60 day – Risk-Free Guarantee. (more on that later)
This course goes way beyond the simple “just say no” purity motivational movement hype.
I actually go into great detail and help you get to the root of the problem and rebuild a solid foundation for starting new relationships going forward.
This isn’t a marriage prep course.
You’re getting the building blocks to be able to command respect, recognition and authority from those you want to build relationships with. And not in an aggressive fake forced way.
You’re going to learn how to step out with grace, dignity, peace and assurance.
Best of all, you’re going to be able to apply these skills in a wide variety of other circumstances like; work, family life, and with your friends. And it’s going to dramatically change the way people see and respond to you.
These skills are going to be there to help you in those moments when they matter the most. When you have to make big choices or stand up for something you believe in. You’ll be ready.
We’re not going to just skim the surface, have a Facebook party and send you another devotional.
I’m not going to give you cheesy lines to use. Instead, I’ll teach you how to craft a conversation style that is all your own.
We’re going to make sure this stuff fits You!
This course isn’t for everyone
- Ready For The One is NOT for you if…
- You want a few magic words or a quick fix to instantly transform your love life.
- You’re looking to trick the guy you want into liking you.
- You like to read the material but won’t actually take the action steps or implement the advice into your life.
- You don’t really want to save sex for marriage.
- You’re not willing to commit at least a few hours a week to improve your relationship skills.
Ready For The One is Right one for you if…
- You’re open to admitting that the way you’ve acted in the past may need to change.
- You want to enjoy a healthy honest relationship that has a chance at leading to marriage.
- You’re willing to try and use the suggestions you’ll get even if they seem uncomfortable at first.
- You’re willing to possibly fail a few times, this stuff doesn’t come without a few bumps along the way.
- You’re ready to stop blindly listening to a bunch of different voices without actually following through on any given plan.
- You feel like you’ve tried your best on your own, but now you’re ready to get some help and you’re committed to pushing past this stumbling block.
- You’re going to spend at least 10 minutes a day improving your relationship skills.
- You’re focused on the big picture. You know that there will be ups and downs in life, but that you’ve got a beautiful life ahead of you and you want to share it with someone special.
- You’ve tried different approaches but never found something that works for YOU!
If this sounds like you, I look forward to seeing you inside the course.