Hey Pastor Lily
How do I honor my mother?
I feel like I can’t honor my mother. Mother’s day just passed and I have to be honest and tell you I hate that day. For me, it’s basically the worst day of the year. I’m 32 years old and I still can’t have a civil conversation with my mom about anything. She hates me. I’m tempted to say the feeling is mutual but because of my love for God, I am trying my best to extend love for the sake of everything Jesus has done for me.
But here’s the thing, my mother is cruel and hostile towards me and everyone else around her. She has been an abusive alcoholic for as long as I can remember. Sometimes I’m not even sure how I managed to survive in that environment. She wants nothing to do with God and although she constantly reminds me that she hates me, she’s also really good at manipulating me into doing things for her. When I refuse to help because I’m busy taking care of my own family she will say things like “is that how your Bible tells you to treat your mother?”
I don’t know what to do. She is so mean and sick. She doesn’t take care of herself at all and she constantly tells me she hates me and wishes she had an abortion. I’m an only child and I don’t know my father so I’m all she has.
I’ve been trying to help her for years but nothing has worked. Now I’m just done. I don’t want her around my babies. I don’t think my husband should have to deal with her drama. She is so reckless, I’m afraid that if I don’t help her she will drink and drive and get someone killed. How do I to honor my mother without letting her destroy me?
You’ve been strong for so long. To have endured that childhood and continue to be trying to have a relationship with your mom after so much pain and heartache is admirable. And it is evidence that you are honoring your mom.
I’m sure there are days when the thoughts inside your head don’t feel like you’re honoring her, but the evidence is in the action. You’ve been there for her when she should have been there for you.
In many ways, you had to become the mom. You were the one doing all the caretaking. And you did in the face of rejection and hatred. That takes an incredible amount of strength and endurance.
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But now you have your own family and your relationship with your mother is beginning to damage it. Fear of what could happen to her and others if your not there is holding you hostage. You’re feeling trapped and that’s totally understandable.
Today, I want to give you permission to set up some really big clear boundaries. You’re absolutely correct when you said that what your mom is doing is not fair to your husband and children. You’re allowed to take a step back.
I want to recommend that you get some serious support from grou
ps like al-anon. They have resources like podcasts and members stories that can encourage you and give you additional insight into what you can do as a child of an alcoholic parent.
One of the most effective things you can do for your mom is to continue to pray for her. The Bible tells us that the fervent prayers of a righteous woman avail much. (James 5:16) God made no mistake when he put you in that particular family. You have power and authority to pray over those who are connected to you. You are strategically positioned by God to impact your family. Click To Tweet
Don’t Be Afraid.
Don’t be afraid to get others involved in your prayers for your mom too. One way your family can love her without being subject to her abuse is by spending time together praying for her. The kids don’t need to know all the details, but children can begin to participate in family prayers from a very young age. Down the road, it will encourage them to know that they had a part in their grandmother’s salvation.
I believe that this situation can still turn around. Keep petitioning Heaven for your Mother’s salvation. I’ve heard so many testimonies that years of prayer finally paid off and a loved one was saved and delivered from all bondage.
Create Some Space.
You don’t have to feel bad about putting some distance between your mom and yourself for a while. Remember this is a spiritual battle, we fight not against flesh and blood. Take time to heal your wounds, regroup, focus on Christ and let Him do the fighting for you.
Do not let Satan tie you down with feelings of guilt and condemnation. Those feelings are traps to keep you from enjoying the blessings of God. You and your family can enjoy your life. Mother’s day and other holidays tend to bring out our most extreme emotions, both positive and negative. Now that you’re a mom, take time to enjoy celebrating with your children. Start new traditions that are based on love, kindness, and acceptance.
You’ve made important life decisions that have brought you to this point. You are breaking the chains of demonic strongholds in your family line. Celebrate that and give thanks to God for all the changes He has orchestrated in your family already and for what He is still to do.
God Bless You!
Let’s talk about this!
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