The Truth About Our Online lives
The online world is boundless. It is full of potential for us to create, learn and explore. We can connect with family from anywhere in the world or strangers from the comfort and safety of our homes. We can take classes, build businesses, publish our work, buy a bike or sell a pair of hand-made mittens. The possibilities are endless.
For every one of these amazing opportunities, we are always just one click away from the dark world of pornography. It’s in the corner of the screen, it’s on every other ad. It pops up in the google search bar even when you’re just innocently searching for a new recipe for apple pie.
Like a dark shadow it has followed the expansion of the internet from the beginning. As millennials, we are the first generation to have grown up with the internet in the living room. Remember the dial-up connections, the chat rooms and Napster? Maybe you created your own MySpace site or maybe you were into geo cities. Maybe like me, you remember the first time someone pulled up something pornographic in the school computer lab and a wide-eyed blushing teacher quickly tried to shut it down and ended up frantically yanking the cord from the wall. Maybe you remember joining a chat room and having a private message box from Mr. Big pop up asking you for your A/S/L.
Whether we searched for it on purpose or came across it by accident it was there. Tempting us to take a peek.
It started out so innocently, we just wanted to know. What were they doing? We filled the search bar with words like “Boobs” “Sex” and “penis”. Images popped up and we looked.
If our parents learned about the search history before we learned how to clear it, we might have had an awkward conversation where we either gave them a deer in the headlights look and convinced them that we had no idea who would have searched for those things, or we admitted to making a bad decision and promised never to do it again.
But the door had been opened.
As the years passed our searches became more specific as our vocabulary for all things vulgar and explicit grew. We went through stages guilt and shame, followed by decisions to give ourselves permission to go ahead and explore our personal freedom. Sometimes a sermon at church would convict us and we would tell ourselves that we should and must stop, but after a few weeks or months that old temptation would come around again.
With time, our desires changed, the love we once had for God was in direct conflict with what we were finding online. We believed the lies, “No one will ever know.” “Everyone else is doing it.” “It’s not hurting anyone.”
We got into relationships, and started acting out the things we had seen. We got condoms, we got birth control, we got pregnant. We got raped, we got STI’s, we got abortions. We got over it. We got tinder, we got costumes, we got toys. We got fetishes, we got addictions, we got disappointed, we got hurt.
Some of us found God. Or rather He found us.
Many of us are not there yet. So many young people are still lost in the world trying everything and anything. But there are some like you and me who have seen the light and are trying to do things differently.
This site is for you!
This is for the woman who wants to have an authentic walk with Jesus. Free from the sins of the flesh, free from the guilt and shame. Free to discover who she truly is.
This is a place for the woman who wants to experience true intimacy in her relationships but who is also scared because everything she has known so far has hurt her. This is a place to learn, to share and ultimately it’s a place to heal.
You have recognized that those things are sins and that they are destroying your life. You who want to stop, you have tried to stop, but have found that guilt and will power are not enough.
You’re not alone. In fact, a survey recently conducted by Dirty Girls Ministries in partnership with Today’s Christian Woman, found that 40% of Christian women admitted to being addicted to porn and 68% of those admitted they used porn to masturbate
The biggest difference between men and women, when it comes to porn, is the guilt and shame that women experience as a result.
For women, consuming porn can turn into a downward spiral that leads to low self-esteem and depression. Intellectually we know that the porn industry degrades and demoralizes women, and yet we still find it pleasurable to watch.
It’s hard when you know that what you’re viewing and doing makes you sick to think about but your body is betraying you by responding to it so favourably.
So now we have a new generation of women who are attempting to reconcile those conflicting desires by creating porn that is female friendly. But we know that this is an ineffective solution because our desires quickly escalate and become more degrading, unrealistic and violent.
One thing that makes pornography so difficult to turn away from is the fact that once you’ve seen something, that image stays with you. Especially if you body has physically responded to it.
This can lead to a great deal of difficulty in our relationships. In a marriage where one or both spouses consume pornography, it becomes increasingly difficult to be aroused by the person you are with. The mind wanders and imagines other people and scenarios. The whole relationship suffers because it has been hijacked by a virtual affair. One or both partners neglects their true source of intimacy and connection in favour of something quick, easy and solitary.
Thankfully, it doesn’t have to be this way. You can experience freedom from the harmful grasp of pornography. You can enjoy real, happy and healthy relationships and stop limiting yourself to the false imitations provided by Satan. You can develop the skills and strength to resist temptation and you can encourage other to do the same. It’s not easy. Such a decesion goes against the status quo and aganst the desires of your flesh. But it is possible.
The truth about our online lives is that they can change.
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