The damage is done. The Hymen is broken, you’re not a virgin.
But don’t marry him just because you slept with him!
Maybe you’re asking yourself, “What now?”
You’re a good Christian, but can you still be pure?
Are you forever tainted?
These are the questions that many women are asking themselves. Their wondering how to rectify the situation. Too many are convinced that the only solution is to marry the person you had sex with. But, just because you slept with someone doesn’t mean you should marry him.
There is only one solution to sex outside of marriage;
Trying to justify a sexual relationship with someone by hoping that the two of you will one day be married is wrong. Even if you have a kid together, or a bunch of kids and a mortgage. Even if you’re just waiting for the right documents to be processed. These circumstances do not justify having sex with someone you’re not married to.
I know that a lot of people will try to say that God understands, or that legal marriage doesn’t mean anything. But the Bible tells us that it means something to God.
God loves marriage. It is God’s will for you to be in a healthy thriving marriage with an opposite sex, God-honoring Christian partner.
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But what should you do if you fall into temptation and have sex before you say “I Do”?
Don’t marry him just so you can say he is the only man you’ve ever slept with.
Just like with any sin, you should repent immediately.
Accept the forgiveness Jesus died for.
If you’re no longer a virgin, it’s easy to get caught up in the idea that you’re now defiled. Or impure. That you’re so how less. There’s nothing biblical about that. Ask God to remind you how HE sees you. Because HIS opinion is the only one that matters.
Throughout history, different cultures have made virginity into some kind of holy grail. Personally, I don’t believe that virginity that is important, rather, it’s the decision to save sex for marriage that matters. Celibacy is to be celebrated. Choosing to forgo the desires of the flesh until you’re in alignment with God’s will, is to be admired.
But A tiny bit of flesh hidden up inside your vagina is not some kind of trophy.
And the truth is that the hymen breaks for a lot of different reasons. Young women can rupture this tiny piece of skin by accident in many different ways. Men can not tell if you’re a virgin or not. In fact, most doctors can’t tell.
It’s only you and God who will ever know.
So rather than worrying about the condition of your hymen, consider the state of your soul.
How does that look?
Is your soul right with God?
Once you’ve accepted forgiveness, begin to look at the reasons that lead you to fall. Repentance means to turn away from the sin. That means taking a really good look at what happened and do everything you can to ensure that it doesn’t happen again.
Maybe you were consuming alcohol and that made it easy to cross the line.
Or perhaps, you allowed the two of you to be alone together in an environment which made it easy to have sex.
Maybe you were feeling really upset about an issue and chose to seek comfort in the wrong way.
Don’t marry him to try and make yourself feel better.
There are so many reasons we fall into temptation that it would be impossible to address all of them here. Look at your situation and figure out why it happened. Then, do what you can to guard against it happening again.
If you’ve been sleeping with the same person for a long time and you decide that you want to stop, don’t let old habits hold you back. You’ll likely get a lot of resistance if you tell your boyfriend that you no longer want to have sex outside of marriage, and that might lead to the two of you breaking up.
Don’t marry him to try and make him stay.
If he leaves, trust that God will honor your decision to put His will before your own and that He will send you someone who will respect your decision AND appreciate it. That’s the kind of man you want to marry.
Don’t get caught up in the lie that if you sleep with someone the best way to rectify the situation is to get married.
This idea is wrong!
People might try to tell you that getting married is the right thing to do. You might experience pressure from culture, aunties, parents and even pastors who are concerned for you. However, this is a very dangerous solution if you or the person you slept with is not prepared for the responsibilities of marriage. Don’t marry him to try and make other people happy.
Take time to repent, break the soul ties that formed as a consequence of a sexual relationship and seek God.
When you repent, it means you turn away from the sin. You don’t keep doing it hoping that it will eventually result in a wedding ring.Sin never grows up into a blessing. Click To Tweet
Make the necessary changes to ensure that you can walk with God. That’s where true purity comes from. Allow God to cleanse you and then get back on track with your walk with Him.
Don’t marry him just because you slept with him.
Marry a man when you’re both ready to take on the weight of marriage with honesty, grace, and maturity. Marriage is a lifelong commitment to each other and to God. If the foundation and reason for marriage is a sin, that is a recipe for failure. There’s no rush.
Resist the pressure to believe that without a husband you are incomplete. You must know that you are complete in Christ. That He will be your covering until your ready and the right man is brought in.
Enjoy your days while you’re young. Discover who you are in Christ. Appreciate this special period of time in your life. As my Mama, Lady Joanne Danso says “this is an excellent time to get fat on the word of God. You will have to live off that fat later when you are busy with small babies”
Got a story to share? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below!
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