Divorce is always an option, even if you’re a Christian.
I have been hearing a lot of Christians talking about the idea that a
First, let me say that divorce is devastating. It’s not just messy, it’s absolute destruction of a family. It hurts everyone involved and it breaks my heart to see so many Christian couples go through this tragedy. It’s rarely the best choice, but, it must remain an option.
In my last post, I talked about 3 great reasons to get married because there are both good and bad reasons to make that holy commitment. And all too often people make that decision from a place of fear. Maybe to avoid loneliness or to have financial security.
The idea that
In the same way that people get married for a variety of reasons, they also get divorce for a lot of different reasons, some good some bad.
But when you take away the option, you take away healthy boundaries and freedom.When you take away divorce as an option, you take away necessary healthy boundaries and freedom. #divorce #BrokenHomes Click To Tweet
Because the way I see it,
The option to get a divorce makes marriage special and sacred.
I totally understand and agree that most couples give up on their marriages far too easily and get divorced for the wrong reasons. But, without the right to divorce, marriage can become a prison, and people can become trapped in unhappy, unhealthy relationships.
God Hates Divorce
Yes, the Bible says that God hates divorce.
And as Christians, we must absolutely commit ourselves to marriage for life. Marriage is intended to be a life long sacred covenenat between you, your spouse and God.
But that does not mean that God wants us to stay in marriages where there’s emotional, spiritual, physical or mental abuse. Or where extra marital affairs taking place.
As soon as I hear a young woman naively say that she would never get a divorce, I immediately question her thinking.
- What if he turns out to be a rapist?
- Or he murders your mother?
- What if he abuses your children?
- Or starts seeing other women?
Of course, you would want to have the freedom to get a divorce. God does not want or expect you to tolerate that kind of behavior.
Marriage is supposed to be an earthly example of a heavenly reality.
But that kind of relationship between a man – woman – and God is extremely intentional. It doesn’t happen by accident and requires the full commitment and participation of both parties.
They say that some things are unforgivable. I disagree. I believe that as Christians we have the power within us through the Holy Spirit to forgive all things as Christ has forgiven us. But that doesn’t mean that we should tolerate all things.
Divorce probably isn’t the answer
But it must remain an option.
It’s not always the best option. But it is an option.
There’s freedom and intimacy in choosing.
When there’s a problem in the marriage you need to know what all the options are.
- Ignore the problems
- Get counseling
- Go to couples therapy
- Talk to your friends about it
- Read relationship books
- Murder each other
- Take a vacation
- Work with a relationship coach
- Sleep in separate rooms
- Fight every day
- Get a divorce
Obviously some of these options are better than others!
And when we understand that marriage is a delicate thing and hearts can be broken, I hope that we will put more effort into getting into the right relationship, with the right person, for the right reason.
I teach women how to discern between the right and wrong
People divorce for a lot of reasons, and we claim that money is the number one cause of divorce, but it’s not.
The real reason people divorce is that they never should have married each other in the first place.
Most people get married in a hurry.
They don’t want to be lonely.
Or, they have something they want to prove.
They fail to truely appriciate that marriage is work.
Marriage is a ministry
Marriage is a ministry. A full blown ministry that deserves our respect and commitment to.
People treat their marriages trivially.
Most expect way too much and give way too little.
They take their marriages and their spouses for granted. They don’t invest in the relationship.
And as a result, those marriages deteriorate and die.
We vilafy divorce because we know that it’s a disadvantage to our lives, or families, our communities and the world around us.
But divorce isn’t really the problem. It’s just the result of the actions we take or fail to take before we get married, and within our marriages.
Instead of attacking divorce, let’s start protecting marriage!
In order to do that, we must…
- Respect married couples.
- Help people spend more time with their families.
- Fight for higher living wages so couples don’t both have to put in over 50 hours a week just to get by.
- Teach men to have some self-control around women.
- Teach women to have some self-control around men.
- Properly prepare single people for marriage before they enter into a committed relationship.
Divorce isn’t the Problem.
Divorce isn’t the problem.
It’s our failure to appreciate marriage.
This kind of relationship doesn’t come naturally. It’s intentional. It doesn’t happen by accident. And we need to change the way we treat marriage as a Christian society.
It’s a terrible idea to try and save a marriage at all costs. This mentality leads to abuse, especially of women who are encouraged – by the church- to enable and accept abusive and bad behaviour. Affairs, porn, addiction, etc.
Women need to stop being afraid of singleness.
Too much pressure is put on young women to get married as soon as possible and this leads them to make poor choices.
As a church, we need to help women to live sacred celebate lives until they are prepared for marriage and have found the right man.
Jesus isn’t as concerned with saving marriages as he is with saving people.
“Why does marriage
counsellingso often go so wrong? Because churches and counsellorspressure the VICTIM to change,because the victim is more likely to do so. They focus on saving the marriage, rather than caring for people. That’s wrong.”
To Love Honor and Vaccum
I agree. The people in the relationship must remain more important than the relationship itself. Otherwise, we are just marriage is just an empty institution void of the intimacy and beauty for which it was created.
Let’s stop vilifying divorce and pretending that by eliminating it as an option we will solve the deplorable state of marriage in this generation.Let's stop vilifying divorce and pretending that by eliminating it as an option we will solve the deplorable state of marriage in this generation. Click To Tweet
Instead, I suggest that we improve the way we treat marriage and prepare for it. Deciding who to marry is one of the most important decisions you will ever make in your life.
When we know how to make that decision from a place of love and not fear, we reduce the odds of a couple wanting to divorce.
When we teach people what it takes to truly love and treat their spouses with kindness. If people understand that marriage is about two people serving each other in a mutual dance of love, honor, and respect, then we will reduce the divorce rates and marriages will have the opportunity to be what they were always meant to be; a shining example of God’s love.