Dating mistakes are extremely common. And I certainly made my share of them. But, by taking the time to learn about and avoid them, I was able to attract and keep the man of my dreams.
If you’re a single Christian woman, ready and waiting for “The One” it’s worth taking the time to invest in yourself and learn from the dating mistakes of others, (my own included) so that you can enjoy a clear advantage in the noisy dating world.If you're a single Christian woman, ready and waiting for THE ONE, invest in yourself first! Click To Tweet
The biggest dating mistake I ever made was Not Valuing MYSELF.
That was the theme of my life in my twenties. I did what I want, when I wanted, with whomever I wanted.
Wild and reckless were my middle names.
And I had a lot of fun.
I did shots with the boys, partied all night and held down a full-time job after finishing a degree to pay my own bills. I was fully independent and loving it.
But when it came to relationships, I was rightly described as a hot mess!
While I had no problem getting attention from men, I never attracted anyone who would take me seriously. And why should they? I didn’t take myself seriously.
Until I met the man who is now my husband.
And there came this moment of clarity, that if I wanted to pursue a real relationship with this man, I would need to surrender this crazy “I don’t care” attitude, and start valuing myself.
At first, that was really hard, because the truth was, that I was so scared of rejection, that I never let anyone get close to me. I shielded myself behind a heavy armor of “if you don’t like me, that’s you’re own problem”. Yet the truth was I was seriously ashamed of my behavior. I was also totally alone, and very lonely.
My so called friends, were only friends when the alcohol was flowing. And the guys only found me attractive at night.
And with a lot of hard
It’s hard for me to admit to you the way I use to
But I want to share my story with you because I want you to know that change is possible. Real love is Real. And you can be happily married. But it doesn’t come without sacrifice.
I honestly believe that happily ever after starts way before any rings are ever exchanged. If you learn how to avoid deadly dating mistakes you can set yourself up for a healthy thriving marriage.I honestly believe that happily ever after starts way before any rings are ever exchanged. If you learn how to avoid deadly dating mistakes you can set yourself up for a healthy thriving marriage. Click To Tweet
Let me share with you the Biggest Dating M
istakes Christian Women make.
And, to help you get there I’ve created a special To Don’t List that you can use to prevent Major missteps.
To make things easy, I’ve broken them down into to groups:
Thinking and Acting.
In order to have a healthy thriving relationship, you might need to change the way you think.
The Bible tells us;
“For as She thinketh in her heart, so is she:”Proverbs 23:7
Too often, women get burned in relationships because they simply made too many assumptions.Too often, women get burned in relationships because they simply made too many assumptions. Click To Tweet
But we also need to be mindful of what our actions say about us.
So we’ll talk about both.
7 Mental Shifts you can make to fix those dating mistakes.
Let’s start with what’s going on in your head. The following 7 dating mistakes are ones that most women make whether you’re a Christian or not.
But as a Christian, you have the power to renew your mind through the word of God. You also have the power to cast down evil imaginations.
1. Thinking that your true love is the first one who comes along
My Dear, you’re going to kiss a lot of frogs trying to find your price.
And that’s okay!
God actually wants to teach you a lot of important lessons through the various relationships you’ll experience in life.
Your Boaz isn’t necessarily going to be the first man you meet.
He wasn’t for Ruth.
Just remember that you’ve got to guard your heart.
Don’t invest too much time or energy in a frog. But DO be on the lookout for new opportunities to meet men.
2. Assuming the relationship is something it’s not
Thinking that you’re dating someone just because you’ve been out together a couple times, doesn’t make you his girlfriend. You’ve really got to take the time to discuss what each of you wants out of the relationship.
And This is a great place to let him take the lead.
If he wants you to be his girlfriend, or possibly wife, he will let you know!
If he’s not saying anything, please don’t assume that the two of you are exclusive. And since you’re also following tip #1 and keeping your options open, Don’t cut everyone else out of your life just because a man gave you his phone number.
The key here is to move slowly in the beginning. Don’t try to force a commitment out of him. Get to know him and guard your heart at the same time. Don’t stop your life in order to obsess over his Facebook posts or Instagram pics.
3.Believing that it’s impossible for A
christian to date in today’s world.
I know that the world has made dating into a circus. But that doesn’t mean you should just opt out. In fact you have the ability to stand out as a light in a dark world. You can position your self as something special and unique.
That doesn’t mean you should act like everyone else and go clubbing to find a man. It means you make different choices, but you take responsibility for your love life. And avoid this deadly dating mistake
You’re already on the right track since you’re reading articles like this one.
Stick with me, I have so much more to teach you. <3
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4. Thinking you know him after a couple of months.
Getting to truly know someone takes time.
I’m still learning things about my husband.
Just yesterday he was telling me about how the song Slim Shady, by Eminem caused him to move away from Detroit.
But honestly, if you’re assuming that you know someone just because you’ve spent a lot of time together then you’re simply being naive.onestly, if you're assuming that you know someone just because you've spent a lot of time together then you're simply being naive. Click To Tweet
Women tend to grossly underestimate how long it takes to get to know someone. And here’s why; as women we find it easy to feel a connection and think that we have intuitive knowledge about someone.
And sometimes we have to trust our gut.
Especially in situations that feel dangerous.
But in dating, we have to remember that men reveal themselves very slowly
Men can and will put up a fake front for a long time.
Sometimes it’s because they’re scared of rejection. Sometimes they just want to make you feel special until they get some. You’ve got to be upfront about your boundaries and expectations so that men who are playing games won’t waste their time with you. And you don’t want to be his dating mistake either
5. Assuming that He will do ALL the chasing
It’s true that men want and need to pursue women. But that doesn’t mean you should play hard to get forever. In a healthy relationship there is an element of hide and seek being played by both the man and the woman.
You can’t say you’ll never chase a man.
Because if you want him to want you, he needs to know whether or not your interested. If you act cold and indifferent, he will take his attention elsewhere. Or you’ll attract a guy whose self esteem is so low that he follows you around no matter how badly you treat him.
6. Believing you can change him
I see this all the time with women who try to use Jesus to get and keep a man.
Obviously there’s nothing wrong with evangelism, and of course, you should be inviting others to Christ. But all too often Christian women will use this as a tool to try and change a man.
If he is an unbeliever and he has clearly told you that he has no interest in church and thinks your faith is childish or silly, then you need to walk away.
Now I honestly believe that pretty ladies like yourself have brought more men to Christ than Billy Graham, but you need to know when to let go and LET GOD.
7. Thinking You Can Keep Him With Sex
I’ve talked about this before.
If you are relying solely on your ability to seduce a man, it will be virtually impossible for that relationship to transform into anything healthy.
Once a man sees you as available for a good time, late night booty call, or friends with benefits, you can kiss the idea of a wedding ring goodbye.
3 Bad Behaviour Dating Mistakes.
Sometimes we need to adjust our thinking in order to achieve what we want. Other times we need to change our habits.
Most of the dating mistakes women make are ones that require a mental shift.
But these last 3 are ways women behave that chase men away.
If you’re doing any of these things, please know that they are sabotaging your chance of taking your relationship to the next level and getting into a healthy marriage.
1. You’re Acting Like a Man
These days men are being treated like children. I see women making emasculating comments all the time. And it’s awful.
But what’s worse, is when women reject their femininity and try to claim that they don’t need anyone.
Now, I’ll be honest, I made this mistake a lot in my younger days.
I grew up in a dysfunctional home with an abusive father and he wasn’t a good provider or protector. I watched my Mom go back to him over and over again and as a child it honestly made me sick. And I wondered, “why does she keep doing this to us?” “Doesn’t she see that he is lying and nothing is going to change?”
So, I made a decision that in order to avoid being like my Mom, I would learn to take care of myself.
I put myself first!
I put myself through school, I started my own career, and I took care of number one. And that seemed like a perfectly good plan for a long time.
But, again, when I met Lovingson, the man I hoped would marry me, things had to change.
I had to take time to heal the brokenness that was in me that caused me to believe that all men were unreliable because my father was.I had to take time to heal the brokenness that was in me that caused me to believe that all men were unreliable because my father was. Click To Tweet
And I had to let him do simple things that I could definitely do myself, but that allowed me to embrace being a woman, cared for and protected.
It started with the little things. Like letting him hold the door for me, and chopping the wood for my fireplace. Or carrying the groceries. And now that we are married, I need to remind myself not to take those acts of kindness for granted.
So my dear, if you feel like you have to be a boss, know that men find strong confident women extremely attractive. But don’t forget that a part of your beauty and strength lies in being soft and gentle. Nurturing and nourishing.
2. You’re Trying To Change Him.
I’m also guilty of this one.
In fact, I spent years in High school trying to mold my boyfriend into what I thought was the perfect man. And I almost broke him.
I was young and reacting to the pain of my childhood and unleashed a lot of unnecessary criticism on that boy.
The truth was that I never really liked him. But I liked being in a relationship. So I got really good at manipulating him to do and be what I wanted. Including making him Catholic so my mom would stop bothering me.
It was painful for everyone.
Please, if you don’t like someone that’s okay. Just let them go. Don’t try to force him to be something he’s not.
If he says he’s not ready or interested in marriage or children, BELIEVE HIM.
He’s not playing games, he’s trying to be honest with you.
If he says he wants to keep things casual and just go with the flow, Believe Him. He isn’t interested in a committed relationship and if you try to force one you’ll get burned.
3. You Ignore Red Flags.
This is so easy to do when you feel like you’re falling in love.
Even easier if you’ve got a Savior complex and you think you can fix broken people.
These behaviors are deal breakers. Those who engage in them are not ready for a committed relationship
And if you’re the one who is committing these bad behaviors, stop dating and start working on yourself first.
If the guy you are interested in is a bad guy, don’t try to make him into a good guy. Pray for him if you want to but MOVE ON. Remember, you have to know your value.
And Please don’t assume he is a good guy just because he is charming and hot. Sometimes the biggest culprits are the smoothest criminals. Take your time and really get to know him.
Now that you’ve read through the biggest mistakes Christian Women Make when dating, make sure you grab your To Do & To Don’t list HERE
Save it to your phone or tape it to your fridge to help keep yourself on track.
And if you’ve made these dating mistakes,
But now you know.
And Now You Can Do BETTER.
And you can grab the Dating To Do & Don’t list to make avoiding these dating mistakes as easy as possible.
I don’t want you to grow old and bitter wondering what went wrong.
So, next week, I’ll be talking about WHY MEN CHEAT.
For all my sisters who have been burned by man who can’t appreciate what he has, this one’s for YOU!
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Finally, I want to know.
Are you guilty of any of these dating mistakes?
I’d love to hear how you’re going to commit to fixing it today.
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