The benefits of saving sex for marriage has been a common debate among both Christians and non-Christians throughout the centuries. But are there really any benefits to saving sex for marriage? Yes indeed. There are both biblical and none biblical benefits of saving sex for marriage.
First, the benefits of saving sex for marriage.
Second, experiencing the benefits within marriage.
The Benefits of saving sex for marriage – A Guest Post By Deja Hamuli
(A Ready For The One Graduate)
The covenant between a human and God is a sacred one. Whether someone completely understands this concept completely or not, doesn’t change the fact, it remains sacred. It’s a covenant that is used for or against us whether we like it, dislike it or even realize it.
I remember hearing this saying: ‘If you would do that to God, imagine what you’d do to me?’
This statement acknowledges God as all knowing and all powerful, who is in total control, who is capable of doing miracles and creating this very earth. The expression also asks; with all that we know and hold dear about God, if we have the audacity to reject and disobey Him, who is the ultimate authority, imagine what we would do to a mere human.
Because here’s the truth, people see and judge you according to your actions and the difference between what you say and do.
Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.
1 Cor 6:19-20
The benefits of saving sex for marriage when dating.
There was a survey taken in 2013 asking men what they thought about a woman being a virgin. In the survey, they found that men thought it was a good thing
One man went on to say,
“to me It means she respects her body and the power of sex,”
Another went on to say;
“From a male perspective, it also keeps you from thinking solely about her in a sexual way because you know it’s probably not going to end up with that. Also, the thought of knowing that she hasn’t been with any guys makes her much more desirable, at least in my mind.”
On the other
Virginity is a turn off for a hook up
They went onto say
“Some guys get freaked out and think that a girl who is a virgin is either super religious or younger than she looks.”
“I tend to be a little more careful about what I say around her so that I don’t offend her”
A lot of other articles shared the same sentiment.
Wether a woman is a virgin or simply choosing to save sex for marriage, their decisions were respected and the men expressed a preference towards those women when considering a long-term relationship.
On the other hand, those who were not virgins and didn’t want to save sex for marriage were preferred for short term relationships and/or hookups.
Pastor Lily has written about this too and says that sex before marriage is actually ruining your chances of getting married, and she’s got the scientic evidence to back it up.
As a young adult, I personally struggled with this issue too.
At the age of 22, I quit going to church and chose to explore my options as an independent young woman. I told myself; “I’m young and on my own. This is my time to experience and experiment with sex.”
I lost my virginity to a complete idiot who simply wanted to please himself at my expense. I didn’t enjoy it at all.
I thought I knew what I was doing, I was using all the moves, but pretty soon I began to hate sex. Nothing matched up to what I had seen online.
At the time, I didn’t know how to say that what I really wanted was love, understanding, and affection. I wanted a real relationship. But all relationships seemed to come with these strings attached. You had to be willing to put out, and I figured I had to just come to terms with that. I really felt like there was something wrong with me,
7 Benefits of saving sex for marriage
Thisisinsider.com wrote an article in 2017 about the reasons you should wait to have sex.
Here are 8 reasons they identified for saving sex for marriage:
- You’ll know if you can trust them: The more time spent with someone the more you can figure out someone’s true character.
- Anticipation can make the whole thing sweeter: While it may be difficult at times, waiting helps you savor the moment when it does take place.
- If your a person who equates sex with emotion it will make the whole experience better for you. Sex is different for everyone, but, there are some people for whom sex is a very emotional experience. Getting to know someone properly before you make that big emotional connection is important for your mental health.
- Gives you both time to get tested. This should be self-explanatory. It is recommended that everyone gets tested at least once a year regardless of whether or not you’re sexually active.
- Research shows you might be happier. A 2012 study from Cornell University said that “participants who waited at least six months to have sex with their partners were actually happier than those who didn’t.” So, imagine the results if you were to fully commit to waiting until marriage.
- It can help protect your mental wellbeing. Let’s face it, sex creates a real bond between two people. Maybe some people really can separate their emotion from the physical experience and not get attached, but most of us can’t. That’s just not the way we’re wired. And that’s supposed to be a good thing. When the relationship is good and you’ve got that strong intimate bond between the two of you, it’s great. But with the wrong person, the article states; “those feelings of attachment can leave you feeling bound to something unhealthy”.
- You can make sure the person really does want a relationship. News flash: some people suck! They can be great at acting and lying to get what they want. And sometimes people just change their mind. “By waiting to have sex, you allow yourself the opportunity to decide if someone can truly build a long-term, meaningful connection with you and be a worthy and committed partner,” therapist and Three Day Rule matchmaker Christie Tcharkhoutian told INSIDER. “People mistakenly search for love, satisfaction, and security in sex when, in fact, sex should be a natural result of a loving, secure, and satisfying relationship.”
If you’re like me, completely emerged in hip-hop, rap and maybe a little Jamaican music (like dance hall). The idea of performing well (in bed) meant you get to keep your man.
We were taught that if you performed well, he’d never want to leave.
And, if you perform poorly, he’d find another gir to replace you.
When I was dating, I believed these things. So, performing well became my goal. I had to be “that girl”. Or, I wouldn’t have a boyfriend.
I wanted to be the nastiest, the hottest, and do all the tricks, even though I didn’t like them and found them really uncomfortable. And I did it because I wanted to keep the relationship, even though I didn’t love or trust the man. I did it because, in the world, that’s what you do.
When I started “dating,” I understood it to mean that both I and him were free to walk at any given time. This meant that couples were having sex, but never trusting eachother.
The idea that I had to perform become redundant and soon boring. It
Soon, I had to either avoid sex, pump myself up for it, or get drunk.
I hated it.
When you’re young and dating so many things affect your sex life. Music, tv, the celebrities you follow, your friends and the image that you’re trying to portray. You buy into the idea of trying to do all the “moves” and you quickly lose your innocents and never get a chance to enjoy the
The way I was raised, you don’t give away husband privileges to a boyfriend. If you did decide to do something nice for him, like cooking him a fancy meal… it’s because you wanted to, never because you had to.
But these days, our culture seems to say that women should be treating their boyfriends as if they were husbands in order to find out whether or not he’s marriage material.
In a series by Shana Schutte on preparing for marriage from focusonthefamily.com, she commented that a “test drive mentality” leads to comparison. A man with this attitude is going to compare his wife’s sexual performance with that of his previous partners. If it was true that men don’t struggle with comparison, why the need to “test drive” anything? After all, if he’d never had multiple partners, he would automatically think his wife the best. For example, the man who has never seen or driven more than one car doesn’t know what other cars are like; therefore he would be satisfied with his automobile.’
More importantly, this concept is dehumanizing. We shouldn’t be comparing people to automobiles. Like Pastor Lily has said before, Ladies, you’re not a shoe, he doesn’t need to try you on to see if you “fit”.
Benefits of saving sex for marriage – O
nce your married
That first night…
I read a cosmopolitan article in which nine women open up about their personal experiences of saving sex until their wedding night. Out of the nine, only two said they would have done it sooner.
The other 7 said; “it was a little awkward at first” and “they were able to laugh together about it” and “figure it out together”.
As I read on, I learned that after the couples got over the awkwardness they continued to get to know each other and their own bodies. This led them to a deeper level of communication and they loved it!
Although I did not go into my marriage a virgin, I did recommit to saving sex for marriage. My fiance and I refrained from intimacy throughout our courting and engagement period.
It was an important decision for us and one that allowed me to wipe the slate clean and start anew with him on our wedding night. I felt that God honored our choice to wait until we were wed, and God gave me a special gift of renewal. That first time we came together as a newly married husband and wife, something changed. Sex, which had become an ugly thing which I hated from my past experiences was new again, and I got to enjoy it for the first time.
Remember what I said about test driving someone?
let me be real here…
The problem with having multiple partners is that sex becomes a series of steps. We know from experience how to give pleasure. You do this… then this… and that…Happy ending!
So it’s natural to think that what worked with one person will work with another. But the problem is that we forget the person in the process.
When you take that mentality into marriage it can be very damaging. You think you know what to do, because, you knew what worked for people in the past. The problem is; you rob yourself and your husband of the opportunity to learn
Take the time to learn new ways.
In my own novice sexual experiences, I convinced myself that…
A. I was doing sex wrong
B. I would have to have more sex before I learned how to do it properly and enjoy it.
I can now see the real problem.
People were trying “techniques” on me that might have worked for someone else, but never took the time to learn what I personally wanted/liked.
But now that I am married, I realize that sex is extremly enjoyable within the context of a safe, loving committed marriage where you’re both invested in learning the other person.
Virgin or not, the time that you spend without being sexually active helps your future partner to respect to respect you. It also helps you respect yourself by treating yourself to a wonderful
Not all experiences, marriages or situations are the same and the time that is spent figuring out who you are married to and how they work should be respected.
Years to come
Now, being married, there’s a level of trust that I have with my husband that has now translated into my sex life with him that wasn’t there before.
It’s hard to be open with someone if you don’t trust them. With that trust in place, I was able to talk about my struggles and trouble. I didn’t feel like I had to perform anymore. I was now able to feel and understand that level of intimacy that I had been looking for.
Together we’ve been able to communicate and work on things that made sex bad for me and come to an agreement that would be enjoyable for both of us. In marriage, there’s a new level of foreverness that you feel. One I never experienced with a boyfriend. It’s a trust that you can give someone when you know that they’re committed to sticking around.
We must remember that the choices we make before we are married will eventually effect our marriage. Our choice to respect ourselves makes a difference.
Although I’ve only been married five months, I’m glad that I took the time to learn some simple but important lessons about self-respect. It’s in the little things, like how you take care of your body and
Learning to become “one flesh” its a lot of work!
“But at the beginning ofMark 10:6-9
creationGod ‘made them male and female. ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, 8 and the two will become one flesh.’So they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
In conclusion, when building a marriage, remember that it’s something you want to last forever.
It takes time to really get to know someone.
There will be a few tricky situations to navigate, but God will use them to show you who you are really dealing with. You’ll learn how they handle setbacks, disappointment and failure. It takes a few arguments, disagreements, even a few sad days before you to figure it all out. There’s a lot more prep work involved than you might imagine. But if you’ll do it, know that you’re investing in your marriage. And sex is just a small part of it. It can be great when done right or a big problem when done wrong.